Do you want your marathon to end in an unforgettable disaster? Or do you dream of a running story that you’ll tell for years, with tears in your eyes? Either way, you’ve come to the right place! I’ve compiled a list of ten proven methods to ensure your 42 km race is an epic failure. From experimenting with your diet to starting too fast to buying new shoes, I guarantee that each of these mistakes will help you achieve your goal. Find out what to avoid or how to guarantee a marathon disaster!
1. Not Enough (or the Right Kind of) Training
Imagine you are going on a trip to the mountains. You have the right shoes and a functional backpack, but you haven’t trained because you think, “It’ll be fine.” What’s the result? After the first climb, you’re panting like a steam engine. It’s similar in a marathon. If you’ve avoided long runs, be prepared to struggle after about 25 kilometers. Do you have a specific marathon time in mind but haven’t trained at that pace? For the first few kilometers, you may feel like Eliud himself, but then there will be an epic BANG!
2. Brand New Shoes? What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
Are you looking for new running shoes? Perfect! Instead of wasting time testing them out, go to the expo the day before the race and buy the first pair that looks fast. Look for ones with carbon fiber, neon colors, and a name that suggests you’ll run faster than Kipchoge in them. Trying them on? Why bother! They’re professional shoes; they’re bound to fit. What about those who say shoes need to be broken in beforehand? Oh, those are just the cautious ones talking! The first 20 kilometers are the perfect time to test them out. During that time, you’ll discover any surprises, such as chafing, blisters, or corns.
3. Gastro Roulette: A Bold Pre-Race Nutrition Strategy
When you’re in a new city, you’ll often find new food. If you’re somewhere with a different cuisine, you should try it. Don’t worry if you can’t pronounce the name of the dish you’re ordering or know all its ingredients after dozens of attempts. It will surely be delicious! Order a second helping!
4. Carb Loading with Beer? Cheers to That!
Remember, you didn’t come all the way to this side of the world just to run a marathon. While you’re there, you have the right to enjoy a beer or two. You also have the right to see the city. The best time to see the attractions is the night before the marathon. After all, on that night, you’ll have so many emotions that you won’t be able to sleep. Use this time to explore the city or visit a pub!
5. Start at the Front – Then Watch Everyone Pass You
When you reach the starting line, position yourself at the front. Standing at the back is for losers! You didn’t train so hard just to start at the back like a wimp! Go to the front! You’ll be more visible on TV and in photos. You’ll also have more space after the start because the biggest crowd will be behind you. It’s all good!
6. Go Out Fast and Let the Crowd Carry You… to Disaster
Start out strong, about 15-20 seconds faster per kilometer than planned. Your legs feel light, your adrenaline is pumping, and the crowd is carrying you forward like a wave at a rock concert. If you followed the previous advice, you’re probably positioned in the front row, right next to the elite. Before you know it, you’re running at the pace of a professional! So, keep up the pace until the very end! You can do it! (Spoiler: You can’t.)
7. New Gels, New Adventures (Mostly in Porta-Potties)
Did a friend recommend SuperEnergyGels to you? He ran several marathons using them and never had any problems. Great! If they worked for him, they’ll work for you. How could they not? After all, we all have the same digestive systems. There’s no need to test them; just buy these gels the day before the marathon and start eating them as if they were a bag of M&M’s during the race. If they gave your friend energy, they’ll give you energy too.
Then what? If you suddenly feel your stomach protesting and demanding an emergency stop at the porta-potty, just mention your friend. Keep your fingers crossed that the line to the toilet isn’t too long.
8. High-Fives, Shouting, Chatting – Burn Energy Like a Pro!
Have fun! That’s why you’re running! Shout to every fan you meet. Cheer them on so they’ll cheer you on. Thank them for cheering you on. Remember to high-five every kid, even if it means running across the street. When you’re not doing that, a marathon is the perfect time to chat with friends and strangers while running. You’ll have so much energy that you’ll easily have enough for both running and telling the whole story of your experience.
9. Ignore Water Stops, Embrace the Wall
Pass the water and banana stations. You ate well yesterday, you ate well this morning, you have SuperŻelki recommended by a friend, and you are not hungry at all. You also drank enough water before the start. You will only take a banana or water on the route when you feel like eating or drinking. It is not worth slowing down every few moments and losing a few seconds to grab a cup of water, half of which you will spill on yourself anyway.
10. Start Your Sprint at 35K – What Could Go Wrong?
If you’ve run 30 kilometers in one go, then you have a body of steel. You know you can handle a long finish – a really long one. There’s no reason to wait until you reach 35 or 40 kilometers when you can pick up the pace right now. You’re doing so well! You have enough strength to speed up, break away from the group you’ve been running with since the beginning, and finish far ahead of them. Let’s go!
Did you make it? Great! No lines at the porta-potty? Awesome! How’d you do? Probably a personal best!
Let us know in the comments.
