“Where there’s failure, there’s an excuse” – runners have mastered this to perfection. Especially when the finishing time is far from what they dreamed of at night. A list of reasons? An entire encyclopedia! Everyone who takes part in competitions has at least a few of them to their name. Here are the greatest classics – excuses that you have probably used yourself after a failed start. And if not? Don’t worry, everything is still ahead of you!
It was too hot!
Oh yes! Runners don’t like the heat. When the commentator says the weather is “perfect for running”, you know you’re in for 10 (or even 42) kilometers on a hot plate. No shade, the asphalt burns, and you slowly turn into a walking melted energy gel. It didn’t work out? Of course it was too hot! Even if there is no “frying pan”, it can always be “too hot for you”. Because how is anyone supposed to know that your optimal running temperature is exactly 14.7°C, with 53% humidity and a light north-westerly breeze.
It was too cold!
Sometimes, however, the excuse “it was too warm” won’t cut it. After all, who will believe you that you got burnt at -5°C when the grass looked like it had been sprinkled with icing sugar? In that case, it was “too cold”. Too cold to warm up properly before the start. Too cold to get into your normal rhythm. The water in the cups was too cold too. The wind was too cold… And speaking of the wind – oh boy, this is where the fun begins.
It was windy!
It’s always windy, which is an obvious fact that you can take advantage of. Always! Most runs follow a route in the shape of a more or less twisted loop, so there will always be a wind in your face. And when it’s windy, it slows you down. And when it’s windy, you can’t “go”. It can also always happen that it is exceptionally windy at the very moment you are on the route. Who will check this? If that’s not enough, you could have been running alone at the moment when the wind was blowing the strongest, without being able to hide behind someone. Or everyone could have hidden behind you. As a result, you had to face the full force of the wind alone. This may explain the weaker result…
The uphill section killed me!
The longer the run, the more likely it is that you will find a favorite excuse of runners – the uphill section. And these, as you know, kill! The further away from the start and closer to the finish they are, the more powerful they are! It doesn’t matter that you are running up a hill that is only a few meters high. The closer to the finish line, the steeper each hill becomes! Every hill is a hill! And every hill can kill you, destroy you, knock you off your pace and cause you to get a wrong result at the finish line…
The pacemakers were leading too fast!
Man… where did they get these pacemakers from? From the Olympic training camp?! They were supposed to run 4:30/km, but they crushed the first ten after 4:20! They blew my mind and there was nothing left to run after the halfway point.” Yes, of course, everything can be blamed on the innocent pacemakers. They drove too fast, stretched out the group, imposed too strong a pace, and it was all because of THEM! It’s THEIR fault!
The watch showed the wrong pace!
If the hares are not leading the race, you are still not in a lost position. Do you have a watch on your wrist? Then you have the perfect scapegoat. The watch, like any piece of electronics, can be unreliable. Could it have lost the GPS signal between the tall buildings? It could! Could it show you the wrong pace, making you rush like an idiot? Could it! Could it shorten the turnaround time? Could it! It’s just electronics and no one will check what the watch showed you. Only you know that and you can blame everything on its alleged mistakes.
Miałem kontuzję!
Here something pulls, there something stings, and a mile before the finish line – drama! A cramp so powerful that you could hear an echo. The list of possible “injuries” is longer than Brooke’s resume from The Bold and the Beautiful. Choose, change, match the occasion! The masters of this excuse don’t wait until something really hurts. Oh no! The masters of the “injury” running excuse start building it long before the start:
– “Something’s wrong with my thigh…”
– “I don’t know, I think it’s Achilles…”
– “I could feel something was wrong during the last training session…”
And then, when it doesn’t work out – boom! It’s a ready-made story, like a cross-country drama. An Oscar for the lead role is guaranteed.
My laces have come undone!
A shoelace is as good as anything else. Once you’ve stopped, crouched down and bent those tired knees, you can’t run as fast as before. You’re out of rhythm and the result is out of the question.
I got stomach cramps!
Gastric problems are also a lifesaver. You don’t need much. All you need to do is eat too much or too little. Drink too much or too little. Eat too many carbohydrates. Eat lunch that will bother you the whole time you are running. Whatever it is, does it really matter what caused your stomach ache? It just did! To make your story more believable, use a public toilet once or twice during the race. It always works!
I was the only one who started in the right starting zone!
We all know what happens in the starting zones. Zones are zones, and the slow runners are always at the front. The fast runners are at the back… Everyone stands wherever they can, and you were the only one who lined up in the correct zone. After the start, instead of setting the pace for a personal best, you had to pass all these obstacles and weave from right to left. All tactics for a personal best collapsed in the first kilometers. But beware! In the Sołtys Run in Pcim Dolny, where 10 people and one dog take part, this excuse is unlikely to work…
It was just a training run!
Finally, the best part. Because even if you cross the finish line out of breath like a hare running away from a fox, you can say that you did not run “at your best”. It was your training start and you deliberately ran slower than you could have. If you are not going to the Olympics, no one will pay attention to whether it was actually your training pace or whether you were “running like a madman”. However, you have an excellent excuse for a poor result. You can also show off what a great runner you are, that you can achieve such results “in training”.
